Turn your f***ing phone
Me
dia
This movie is dedicated to these
following sources of inspiration:


David Carson is Mr. Green
Stefan Sagmeister is Mr. Pink
Oliviero Toscani is Mr. Brown
Lee Clow is Mr. Purple

Paul Rand is Mr. Black
Bob Noorda is Mr. Blue
Raymond Rubicam is Mr. Orange

Bruno Munari is Mr. White
Paula Scher is Paula
Massimo Vignelli is Mr. Blonde
Int. Bar - Morning
pag. 1

Nine men and one woman dressed in black suits, sit around a table at a breakfast cafe.

They are Mr. White, Mr. Pink, Mr. Blue, Mr. Blonde, Mr. Orange, Mr. Brown, Paula, Mr. Black, Mr. Purple, Mr. Green.

Most are finished eating and are enjoying coffee and conversation. Mr. Brown is telling a long and involved story about a client, Mr. Beige.


Mr. Brown (Toscani): I'll tell you what Mr. Beige wants! He wants someone that'll kiss his ass, and say yes to all his bullshit.

Vic "Smile" Mr. Blonde Vega (Vignelli):
No it's not. If a client comes to one of us professionals and tells us what he wants, then he can do it on his own. As if you'd go to the doctor and tell him what you want. Bullshit. The important thing is to understand the needs of your client, not what he think he wants.

Mr. Brown (Toscani): Whoa...whoa...time out Greenbay. Tell that bullshit to the tourists. Advertising agencies are servants of their client: they just shut up and do what the client says.

Paula: Beige? Beige? What the fucking color is beige?

Mr. Orange (Raymond Rubicam): Cut it out Mr. Brown, you and your damn sadomasochistic bullshit. The only purpose of advertising is to sell. It has no other function worth mentioning.

Mr. Pink (Sagmeister): I think it's ultimately inhuman to only see things for their functionality. We want things to be more than that. The desire for beauty is something that's in us, and it's not trivial.

Mr. Orange (Raymond Rubicam): Look, asshole, I just told the truth. You're not going to break my balls with your buddhist I'm a saint, bullshit, again, are you?

Mr. White, Palombaro della fantasia (Bruno Munari): The egg has a perfect shape, even though it's laid from the ass, Mr. Pink. Can I say it or is it too trivial for you?

Mr. Blue (Bob Noorda): Gentlemen, let's not get heated up, you've all got a point. There has to be balance between us and our client. It doesn't always have to be about innovation, surprise, originality, effects.
When you guys are in your "I'm an artist" phase I'm not listening anymore.

Mr. Purple (Lee Clow): Listen, you pathetic dutch asshole, I'd rather have my balls cut off than be thought of as a diplomat. You have to be daring and make something that doesn't look like anybody else. Otherwise, change job.

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pag. 2
Paula: Well put Mr. Purple. Beige is definitely the color of faded shit. Beige is the color of indecision.

Mr. Brown (Toscani): Hey, you guys are making me lose my train of thought here.

Mr. Black (Paul Rand): I can't stand you and your pretentious bullshit. Originality is the key to failure. Instead, just try to be good and shut your god damn mouths. Everyone knows it's not good design if it does not communicate.

Mr. Green (David Carson): Don't confuse legibility with communication Mr. Black. Look at a font, for example. Just because it's legible doesn't mean it communicates and, more importantly, doesn't mean it communicates the right thing.

Mr. Brown (Toscani): I was sayin' something. What was it?

Mr. Pink (Sagmeister): You said that Mr. Beige is a sadist and we are his masochistic slaves that have to be whipped to get paid.

Mr. Brown (Toscani): Correct. And let me tell ya what Mr. Beige 's about. He wants a nice gang bang with chains and geisha balls. And wants to put it where he wants to put it, left, right, up and down. I'm talkin' morning, day, night, afternoon, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick!

Mr. Blue (Bob Noorda): How many dicks is that?

Mr. White (Bruno Munari): A lot!

Mr. Brown (Toscani): Then one day, he meets badass guys like us like a John Holmes motherfucker, and it's like, whoa baby, he's there on his throne giving orders with his tool that's so hard he could dig a tunnel, like Charles Bronson in "The Great Escape". And he gets all hyped up like a madman.
'You do this', 'you do that', until he hears something that he hasn't heard in a very long time: a big fat NO!

Paula: And so it gets even bigger than before!

Mr. Brown (Toscani): Exactly! And his thing gets so hard it hurts. It shouldn't hurt him. It shouldn't, because what's done is done already, but when we tell him NO, it hurts so bad.
The same pleasure he feel the first time, you know? Our NO reminds the mad sadist what it felt like when he still got NO as an answer.
So, in the end, he'll listen to our ideas and like them so much that he'll come, like the Niagara falls, all in his pants.

pag. 2
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